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Approach

I work associatively. That is not the same as randomly.

How that tends to go

A conversation starts with a reorganisation.

You say something about a colleague and cut a sentence off halfway.

I ask why.

Ten minutes later we are talking about chess.

A little later it turns out this isn't about that colleague at all, but about how long you have been trying to think three moves ahead.

And then we go back to the reorganisation.

Nils walking across a bridge in an autumn wood

I don't take that detour to keep the conversation entertaining. Associations are useful because they often arrive somewhere faster than the tidy account we both already know. It's like a wonderful place on the other side of the river; you can see it, smell it and imagine being there, but to get there you have to find and cross a bridge yourself. Associations are only worth anything if we do something with them afterwards. 

So a conversation nearly always ends up at Monday morning: that meeting, that decision, that one phone call. Because eventually coaching has to land somewhere.

What else there is to notice

What people say matters. How they say it often matters too. Someone correcting a sentence halfway through, a subject that gets stepped over remarkably quickly, a posture that shifts the moment a particular word comes up. 

I don't use those signals to “read” you. I use them to ask better questions.

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